Why “Thank You” Isn’t Always Enough: Understanding the 5 Languages of Appreciation In The Workplace

Katie Zerner
Nov 16
3 min read

Two colleagues celebrating a small win with a fist bump, illustrating workplace appreciation and recognition.

Andrew and I were tackling a big project last week. I gave him a quiet “thanks,” expecting that to be enough- but he paused, then gave me a big fist pump. It hit me: Andrew thrives on hearing words of affirmation and a little physical connection. Meanwhile, I feel appreciated through acts of service and kind words.

That moment made me realise something powerful: we all want to feel valued—but we don’t all speak the same “language” of appreciation. Understanding how we each feel recognised can transform relationships at work, in friendships and at home.

Have you ever poured your energy into work or a relationship, only to feel unappreciated? That ache is common, whether at work or at home. But sometimes the issue isn’t that appreciation is missing- it’s that it isn’t communicated in a way that resonates with you.

Enter: The 5 Love Languages.

Originally developed by Dr. Gary Chapman for romantic relationships, The 5 Love Languages are powerful tools for improving employee recognition, team dynamics and personal relationships.

1. Words of Affirmation: “Say it out loud”

You thrive on:

Compliments, encouragement, verbal thank-yous.
Hearing “You’re doing a great job” or “I appreciate you.”

When it’s missing: You may feel invisible or unimportant if your efforts aren’t acknowledged.

What helps:

At work: Managers and teammates can build a habit of vocalising praise. Even a simple “great job on that report” can boost morale.
At home: Share kind words freely. Andrew’s fist pumps and verbal encouragement are a perfect example of recognition that lands.

2. Acts of Service: “Show me you care by helping”

You feel appreciated when:

Others take something off your plate or offer support without being asked.

When it’s missing: You may feel unsupported or like you’re doing all the heavy lifting.

What helps:

At work: Offer help during a busy season or take initiative on a task. It communicates recognition and support.
At home: Acts of service, like making a thoughtful meal or helping with chores, show appreciation in a meaningful way. I often feel most seen when I can help Andrew in these ways or he does them for me.

3. Receiving Gifts – “It’s the thought that counts”

You feel valued when:

Someone gives a thoughtful gift, no matter the size.

When it’s missing: You may feel forgotten, especially on special occasions or milestones.

What helps:

At work: A small thank-you card, symbolic reward or team celebration can go a long way.
At home: Remembering birthdays, giving small “just because” gifts or bringing home a favourite snack communicates that you care.

4. Quality Time – “Be fully present with me”

You value:

Undivided attention, meaningful conversations, shared experiences.

When it’s missing: You may feel overlooked if people are distracted or too busy to connect.

What helps:

At work: Schedule one-on-one check-ins, team lunches or coffee chats that aren’t just about tasks.
At home: Prioritise moments of genuine presence- phones down, eye contact up. Even a short conversation at the end of the day can strengthen connection.

5. Physical Touch – “Connection through contact”

You feel recognised through:

Appropriate physical gestures, like a handshake, high-five, hug or fist pump.

When it’s missing: You might feel disconnected, even if praised in other ways.

What helps:

At work: Small gestures like fist bumps, handshakes or pats on the back communicate recognition without words.
At home: Gentle touches, hugs, and cuddles matter deeply. Andrew and I often use fist bumps to celebrate wins- it’s quick, fun, and effective- though we both also need a hug at times :)

Why Understanding Appreciation Languages Matters

Understanding the language of appreciation you speak- and the one others speak- can shift workplace culture, family dynamics and friendships.
Recognition delivered in the right way builds empathy, strengthens relationships and boosts morale.
When we recognise each other in the ways that land, we don’t just coexist—we thrive.

How to Practice Appreciation in All Languages

Ask yourself: How do I naturally express appreciation? How do I most deeply feel it?
Share your love language with your team, partner or family.
Practice giving appreciation in all five languages- you may discover new ways to connect and inspire.